"The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision."

The majority of people can see – but not all of us have a vision for how we want our lives to be.  We often hear others say things like “I don’t know what I would do if I went blind”, but what if you lost your vision, or never had one to begin with?  With sight, sure, we can see things in our world and get around easier, but with a vision we can accomplish so much.  Helen Keller could neither see nor hear; and yet she was able to read, write, and even speak with such intelligence and wisdom the world over knows about her great feats.  Mrs. Keller had an amazing vision for herself and for the rest of the world.  We should all have a vision for our lives; how we want them to be, how we will achieve those goals, what kind of life we want to live.  Even if things don’t turn out exactly how we planned them, at least we have that vision.  A vision is the first step to realizing your dreams.

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Week 3: So Smooth!

This is my third week on Accutane now.  I skipped posting on week 2 because there wasn't much change and I was really busy.  

So last week my face was still really sensitive.  It hurt to do anything to it or even when anything touched it it was so uncomfortable.  About halfway through last week I began to notice that the skin around and on my nose and on my chin was feeling very rough.  I thought it was just rough dried skin but upon further inspection I found that it was actually a bunch of dirt/blackheads sticking out of my pores.  Like, all of my pores had gunk sticking out of them.  It was really gross to realize, and since I'm on Accutane I can't use any pore strips to clear them.  What a bummer, that would have been a really interesting pore strip to look at afterwards. 

If you wax or use any strong adhesive on your skin while on Accutane you will literally rip your skin off.  Don't do it.

I just kept exfoliating as much as possible and using my Rodan and Fields Soothe regimen.  This stuff is the best for Accutane skin.  It's so gentle and soothing.  My face has calmed down so much with it's help.  Now the skin around my nose and my chin is baby smooth.  Basically everywhere that doesn't have a pimple right now is really smooth.

I've had some pain in my right hip every since starting my course.  I don't know if it's Accutane related.  I had a good bit of joint soreness last time so I'm not sure if this is the same.  It feels more like a muscle right on the top of my hip bone above my butt is tight.  Most of the time it doesn't hurt at all but then if I get into a strange position it will hurt a lot.  I also got some joint pain in my hip joint at the tops of my legs today for a few paces before it went back to being normal. 

So as you can see, my skin is a lot less irritated.  There are still quite a few pimples but it is only the third week.  I keep getting these bigger pimples around my mouth and chin area.  Before I started I would always get many many small pimples, and maybe a big one here and there.  Now it seems like they're all big but there are less of them and they aren't as irritated as before.

If you've been on Accutane, what helped keep your skin moisturized and calm?  The Rodan and Fields seems to be working for me but I'd like to hear what others have tried.

  

Week 1: iPledge

Accutane must be the most annoying medication to be on.  I'm not talking about the side effects, those are quite annoying.  Even getting it as a female is the most drawn out process.

In order to get on Accutane as a female, you have to prove you're not pregnant.  I can understand this part, because the drug can cause severe birth defects that no one wants to deal with.  The way they go about 'insuring' you're not pregnant and that you don't get pregnant is pretty infuriating.  

It's akin to those silly purity balls, but instead of 'until you get married' it's 'until you quit taking Accutane'

So, in order to get on Accutane as a female, you have to make an appointment just to take a pregnancy test, and then wait for a exactly 30 days to come back to the doctor. They give you this iPledge booklet that tells you all the side effects, birth defects, and all various types of contraceptives you can use while taking Accutane.

When you come back, you take another pregnancy test, a blood test, and your Dr. gives you a prescription.  But wait!  You're not done yet!  In order to pick up the script, you have to first go online and answer some questions about how not to get pregnant.  Your answers have to match what your doctor put in or... I'm actually not sure what happens, but you probably have to wait another month or some stupid thing like that.  So if your doc put in that you're using an IUD and male latex condoms like they did for me (yes, they ask you your preferences in birth control at the dermatologist's), and you accidentally put the wrong ones in, you can't get your script.  They ask you various other questions that should be common sense if you had 9th grade health class. You have to get them all right

So, I was a week late getting my prescription because they couldn't prescribe it to me until two days after my appointment.  Then the only pharmacy that my insurance covers had to order it.. but they actually forgot to order it until the next Monday.  I finally got it last Wednesday the 17th.

This is how the pills are packaged.  As if you could go through all of that and still need some kind of clip art to cement it in your mind.  I just peeled all of them at once and put all the pills into an old bottle.  I kinda want to take these tabs and make some necklaces out of them or something.  

So, I've been on Accutane only a week and I can already feel it.  I'm taking 40mg twice a day.  My skin is so dry and irritated.  It's flaking all over and I'm breaking out more than I was.  I guess the Accutane is pushing the nasty stuff the the surface already.  I usually don't get those big deep pimples, but I have like three of them between my eyebrows right now.  It didn't seem to work this fast last time.

My camera makes my face look less red, but you can see it is worse than it was when I started.  I really hope the soreness settles down because it really is painful.  It's only the first week!

One week down, roughly 24 more to go.

Merry Christmas everyone!

First Blog Post, Accutane!

In this blog I hope to chronicle my life as a language student (studying German), aspiring English as a Second Language teacher, and girlfriend to an south Indian man.  Basically, my life is a paradox of different languages and cultures.  We'll get to the language and culture part later, as I would like to start my Accutane blog today.

This will be my second course of Accutane, my first was finished January of 2010.  It's been
5 years since I took it last, and I have almost no progress photos (or even beginning photos) to speak of... mostly because of my severe self conscientiousness about it when I was 16-17.  I just tried to look for some and it seems that I edited every picture so my skin looks better than it was.  Teenagers....

I cannot figure out how to make these pictures align.  This is the best it's going to get for now.

It started coming back around a year ago, just a little break out once a month (damn you hormones!).  There would be one or two pimples, but they would go away.  Each month there were more and more.. and they started going away slower and slower.  And I would get black heads in the most random spots, like the usually smooth skin under my eyes.

So this is my skin as of today.  It hasn't gotten as bad as it was when I went on Accutane 5 years ago, but it's on it's way there.  It seems to get a little bit worse each month.  Basically it feels like every pore in my face is clogged up, especially my nose and around my mouth and chin.  They aren't even traditional white head pimples, just mostly black heads and clogged pores.  My face is much more oily than it was, although not as bad as before Accutane, but my lips are dry from the cold winter air.

I had a variety of side effects the last time I was on Accutane, including very dry chapped lips that burned like hell if they weren't moisturized.  They would also peel excessively.  I could feel the sun burning my skin if I got in direct sunlight.  I still can't wear contacts from eye dryness, and I could barely see in the dark despite the length of time my eyes had to adjust.  The first or second month I lost my appetite and the smell of meat cooking made me feel nauseated.  I got very irritable.. I'm still not sure if this was caused by the Accutane, or me being a teenage girl. Probably both.  My stepmom and I fought viciously.  She was going through some severe postpartum depression and so that combined with my Accutane 'depression' (it manifested itself more as rage than sadness) made the perfect shit storm.   I think that the Accutane took away my ability to suck up and pretend like things didn't bother me when they actually did.  I really hope this side effect doesn't come back.  Towards the end of the course I had joint soreness in my hips and knees.  At first it wasn't so bad, but at the very end there I felt like an arthritic elderly woman.  I got out of chairs slow and even walking was a bit uncomfortable.

TMI Warning.  Accutane makes everything dry.  I had an incident when I went to the bathroom to go number two and when I wiped there was a little blood.  I freaked out thinking it was crohn's, but it was just from where my poo was dry and then also my skin was dry and weak and that combination caused a little tear...

I will be going to the Dermatologist next Wednesday for my baseline blood work and my pregnancy test, and so starts my second Accutane journey.